quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
