Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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