You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
