My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
