Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
