i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize