ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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