There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
