Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The Olympian is in my bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize