People with herpes should wear stickers.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
