My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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