I wish I only lived at night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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