Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize