Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
