I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
