im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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