I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
