it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Mom said you looked used
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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