TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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