Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize