Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
