you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
