saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize