i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
smell my finger.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
