It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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