Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
