So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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