Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
