He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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