I'm drive I can fine osifer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
