Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize