I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
