Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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