I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
