I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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