who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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