LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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