Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
