actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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