she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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