Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
