Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize