I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
