I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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