Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
