o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
