you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
