So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
