Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk is a universal language darling
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
