at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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