You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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