I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I licked your asshole in confidence.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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