Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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