They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
