two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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