he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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