It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
